Play is a Child's Language

Q.  My child is not learning anything at preschool. All they do there is play. What is all this "child centered" theory about? I want my child to learn when she goes to school.

and,

Q. How can you help my child if all he does is play when he comes to your office?

A. As a play therapist for child clients, I hear this statement and this question frequently.  

While we play therapists are trained in depth to utilize play to assist children in their growth and healing in a therapeutic setting, I want to help parents better understand how play can be an agent for enriching parent child relationship and helping kids develop strong sense of who they are in the world. I also want to help parents appreciate and better understand why it is so important for children particularly ages 2 - 5 to have lots of play time when they are at school.

Let's consider this simple question, first:  Why play?

"Play is the child's way of communicating just as talking is the adult's natural way of communicating. In the playroom, toys are used like words and play is the child's language."  ~Dr. Garry Landreth, Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship

Let's consider the benefits of play for people of all ages:

Play is often accompanied by laughter and we know laughter is good medicine.

Play provides an opportunity for two or more people to bond through a shared and fun experience.

Play allows for creative self-expression and exploration of who we are in relationship to others and the world around us.

Play is a relief from stress.

Play stimulates creative thinking.

Play helps regulate emotions, and boosts sense of self esteem

Play allows us to practice skills and roles needed for living life in a healthy way.

Children between the ages of 2-5 are developmentally at the stage in life called "the play years." Play is their work in the world. Through play they are learning who they are in relationship to others and the world around them.  

As a play therapist I use play as a place to help children express what is bothering them when they don't have or can't find the words to express what they are thinking and feeling. But even without going to see a play therapist, parents can use play as a way to help their children. Parents can learn to allow for play time to be a chance to observe and notice what's foremost on their child's heart and mind. By allowing for some playful time with your children that is non-corrective, non-judging, accepting and celebratory, you will find a more positive and enriched relationship that develops between you.  

As adults with myriad responsibilities in this fast-paced life, it is common for grown-ups to forget how to play, how to have fun.  Your children will teach you if you will allow them. Provide space and time in your otherwise busy life to turn off the computer, put the phone on silent, change into some comfortable clothes, and get down on the floor with the a pile of building blocks or baby dolls or a mound of crayons and paper along with your child. Go barefoot in the grass and play tag with  your child in the evening after dinner. Swing alongside your daughter at the park, ride a scooter with your son or catch fireflies at dusk with your kids. Have a marshmallow war, play charades, or just hang out and watch your child's imaginary play with no comment at all.  

There is more, though, to how parents might use play to better understand their children and enrich the parent-child relationship. Filial Play Parenting Training is a program through which parents learn how to be agents of growth and healing with and for their own children. In these classes, parents are taught by a registered play therapist principles and skills to use including reflective listening, recognizing and responding to children's feelings, limit setting, building children's self-esteem. The therapist provides instruction in a group setting that is conversational and informative. These sessions follow a specific curriculum in a supportive atmosphere to educate parents. Parents learn how to create an accepting, non-judging environment so that their child feels safe to explore and express.

I am more than happy to provide referrals for these classes and other resources for information about play, play therapy and parenting support if you want to drop me a line. I welcome your questions and ideas for future articles as well.

Playfully yours,

Lynn Louise Wonders, LPC, RPT-S 

About this column: Lynn Louise Wonders, LPC, RPT-S is the Owner and Director of Therapy Services for Marietta Counseling for Children & Adults, LLC where she has 10 other highly qualified therapists who also provide services for children, adults and families. You can read more about her counseling center and the services they offer at www.mariettacounseling.com

This column first appeared on Northeast Cobb Patch.