Dear Cottage School: One Parent's Note of Gratitude

If a child can't learn the way we teach, maybe we should teach the way they learn. (Ignacio Estrada)

Dear ,

Last year at this time, our daughter was preparing to leave her second school. Since moving here, she had spent two years in the public school system, and another three in a private school program. Both had failed to give our daughter what she needed. And so, we came to you with great trepidation, afraid to invest in yet another program, afraid that once again we would be let down and afraid that we would not find a place where our daughter could truly thrive. It is a horrible feeling to carry that kind of fear. Even worse is the feeling that no school wants to truly invest in your child, that they can’t see beyond the label and that they aren’t willing to nurture her potential. And so, this school year began and though our daughter was full of hope & optimism, we continued to carry that fear with us.

But what a difference a year makes. You have given our daughter wings and this year we have been blessed, truly blessed, to watch her soar. Ignacio Estrada said, “If a child can’t learn the way we teach, maybe we should teach the way they learn.”  That is the philosophy that your school and staff truly embody and embrace. Yael came home each day with a greater understanding of the materials she had learned. She did not simply recite rote facts, memorized for a test, but demonstrated a grasp of the concepts & content in a way we had never seen before.  She sat at the dinner table each night, sharing what she had learned, her voice full of excitement. And, with each passing day her confidence grew stronger. Never before had we seen that side of our daughter. Though she was a good student prior to this, she often did not retain what she had learned and we witnessed her ongoing struggles with projects, homework and classwork.  But you sought to gain an understanding of how she could best learn. You did not try to force a square peg into a round hole, asking that Yael learn only in the manner you thought best. But rather, you adapted your teaching styles, playing to her strengths and help to lessen her struggles. Because of that, she received the President’s Award for Academic Excellence. To say that such a moment was beyond our wildest dreams would be the understatement of the year.

Last night, we were truly overwhelmed at the Middle School Graduation and Awards Ceremony. Our daughter was given a trophy and named “Most Dedicated” team member for Track & Field. As my eyes welled up, my heart about to burst, I turned to my husband and said, “Where else would our daughter have been given the opportunity to participate in a team sport, let alone earn a trophy?”  Perhaps those schools exist, but they have surely not been a part of our experience, and I am sure there are many parents of special needs children who would say the same. It seems that in so many ways, our schools have forgotten what the essence of team sports is really about. It is about learning a new skill, setting personal goals and striving to reach them and being a part of something bigger than yourself. You gave our daughter a chance to experience that. The child who always hated PE, who was picked last for any team and who never once demonstrated any interest in playing a team sport, is now a jock with a trophy that sits center stage on her dresser!

Your program, and the philosophy upon which it is built, helped Yael to gain a greater sense of organization, responsibility and independence. You did not lower your expectations of her because of her autism, but rather you set the bar high and helped her to reach it. The time management system was an invaluable tool and allowed her to gain a greater sense of independence with her school work. The levels program and incentives for academic performance, responsibility and character were a driving force for our daughter. She approached each school day, assignment and program with the desire to move up the levels system. She strove to demonstrate character, to be a good role model, to be responsible and to be a productive and leading part of the school community. She did that because you asked it of her, because you expected it of her. Many times people hear the word autism, and they immediately lower their expectations of Yael. You didn’t and boy oh boy, didn’t she show us all what she is capable of.

On your website, you state, “The Cottage School’s history of success repeatedly demonstrates that students who come to the school disillusioned or discouraged–some to the point of ‘giving up’ on education–flourish in the school’s environment and emerge as independent, capable, and successful young adults.” No words could be truer, at least not for us. And I don’t know how I can possibly find the words to express our gratitude. Thank you is surely not enough to encompass all that is in our hearts. We owe you a debt of gratitude for giving our daughter a safe space to learn, to grow and to flourish. She spends each day surrounded by peers, all of whom have “stuff” of their own. But somehow these “special needs” kids come together to create a beautiful, supportive and communal atmosphere that is like no other. And they do so, through the leadership, support & encouragement of your teachers and staff. They do so, because you all believe in them and you don’t allow them to define themselves by their struggles, but rather by their strengths.

Yael went off to her last day of school today, tissues in hand. When a student says that they are really sad to see the school year end, you know you are doing something right. I have tissues of my own and I have cried many happy tears this year. I cried at basketball games and track meets. I cried at my daughter’s academic accomplishments, as well as her personal ones. I cried as she played the guitar and took the lead in her drama production. And as I write this letter, it is through a flood of tears and they are tears of gratitude.

Thank you to all who taught Yael this year. Thank you to all who work tirelessly each day to make The Cottage School what it is. You have made a difference in the life of my child. You have given me hope, where once there was only fear. I send Yael off to school each day and I know that she is in a safe place. In today’s world, that means more than you could know. Kids like mine are often the target of bullies, they live their educational life on the periphery, never being fully accepted into the mainstream. But you have given her a school, a community, where she feels at home. She feels accepted & valued for who she is and that is a gift beyond measure. Thank you for an amazing school year. We look forward to all that is yet to come as Yael continues her journey at The Cottage School.