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What To Do Before You Get Married

Tips on taking risks before "I do."

Some people get swept up in all the romance and excitement of getting married because having parties thrown in your honor can make you forget that marriage changes things for both parties drastically, even in this modern world.

I married my husband after knowing him for 6 years and I was happy to have waited until I was a little older to take the plunge. I was able to do many things that would have most definitely strained our marriage to pursue.

                Lay some ground rules. Before you cross over into what’s traditionally expected of you, make some private promises to each other. As funny as it sounds, agreeing upon who will take the garbage out and who will clean up after dinner before “I do” will help you dodge more than a few meaningless arguments. For example, I can’t cook and I hate cleaning, but thankfully, I have a husband who doesn’t expect me to change who I am because of a ring.

                Fall off the grid. When you’re married—or even in a serious relationship—disappearing for a few days will get your picture on every news report from coast-to-coast. If you try to vacation away from your spouse, you could be in for some serious resentment. But when you’re single, no matter where you choose to go, a solo trip will buy you days of serenity. Spending a few days camping in the mountains or even going to South America to paddle down the Amazon isn’t out of the picture for a single person.

            Have sleepovers. When we get to college, it’s still acceptable to have a sleepover or two during a stint in the dorms and/or apartments. But when you’re married, it’s a little awkward to ask your spouse if they mind having someone who isn’t family to spend the night and listen to your raucous laughter over Monty Python until the early morning hours. Sleepovers are a rite of passage, really. Not taking advantage of that life staple will rob you of some of your owed memories.

Marriage isn’t the end of freedom as some people fear it is. There are many different types of people in the world, and if you’re lucky, you’ll find the right person for you—someone who might not be offended if you want to do things a little differently. After all, sometimes he's just that much better at cooking so we ladies have to take the garbage out. It's only fair.

Brenda April 06, 2011 at 06:19 PM
No , I didn't do much before I was married, but after I was married we did things together, we didn't have children for 6 years , so we had lots of time together. I did cook and clean and my husband worked hard, so I wanted to have a good meal for him when he came home. I don't cook as much these days , our children are grown and have there own places. I do cook sometimes it is always better than going out all the time. I really don't want to cook now, but I use to cook all the time, it was something I thought I should do for my family, it not something I really liked but we had to eat and I just did what I thought was best for them. My mother always said the way to a man heart is with great cooking . I 'm not sure this is true, but I did my part. Cleaning is not my favorite thing to do, but I do it , I don't like a mess in my house, so I try to keep things clean. Its just what Mother taught me to do when I was young, so I try to do what I was taught. She said we have to take care of what God has given us or he want give more. So I know she was very wise, so I just try to take care of what He has blessed us with. So maybe one day if I have more I would have a maid to do all the cleaning and cooking. That would be great!
Deena C. Spell April 07, 2011 at 08:07 PM
I think we all deserve maids! Most of us just can't afford them.
Toni Dore April 08, 2011 at 01:55 PM
I didn't marry for the first time until I was 56 years old. I married a man I had known for 4 years and we have now been married 6. He had children (all grown and on their own), I didn't have any. When I was much younger I thought that a girl had to be married to be happy. I WAS engaged when I was 25 to a fellow I met while in college. He was opening his private dental practice and I was a teacher. The wedding date was set for July 5th 1975 and there were 400 people invited to our Italian/Polish wedding. I will spare you the details, but something told me not to do it. I listened to my head and not my heart and cancelled the wedding 5 months before it was to occur. It was a very painful time but something I knew I had to do. Along the way I met several people that I thought would be good partners, but again, the timing or just life prevented the two of us from coming to a decision to commit. Along the way I also spent a lot of time alone, developed a career and many good, strong friendships. I really liked my life! :-) When I met my husband almost ten years ago we had a GREAT time together. We had fun, he was strong, he was settled and we had absolutely no issues. If there were little quirky things that came up, we handled them with little disruption to our lives. When he asked me to marry him after dating for four years I said yes it seemed the natural thing to do. Oh, I don't cook, I clean on occasion. I am the Queen! And, he is 'the Queen's Servant!"
Brenda April 08, 2011 at 03:02 PM
It must be wonderful to be a Queen!! I guess I never know. Enjoy !!!!!!!
Deena C. Spell April 08, 2011 at 11:10 PM
Wow! It sounds like you got a good one!

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